We played games. We built towers with blocks. We colored pictures. We ate snacks and watched old “Bob the Builder” re-runs. We cuddled under blankets and were thankful for the shelter from the brisk winds. We chatted and ate yummy cold weather food. We did all the everyday stuff that makes our little family happy.
So this morning found me a little rough around the edges. It’s always hard to go back (even if you are lucky to have a job you like – which I do), but after such a lovely time with my fellas – it was proving to be especially difficult to leave today.
As I began to dress Little Guy in his jeans and cute flannel shirt, he looked up at me with those big beautiful eyes, and asked quietly, “Mommy, stay home?”
Oh heartache! He’s too young to really understand the why behind our daily foray into the working world. He doesn’t know just how much both of his parents would rather stay home and play with him. Most days he’s happy to go to his babysitter’s. She’s a sweet lady and they are close. Mondays tend to be tough though. He’s been spoiled by a couple days of family togetherness (as have we) and it’s a bit of an adjustment to get back into the routine. He’s (thankfully) always fine about five minutes after I drop him off. Once he sees his little buddies and starts to play with the fun toys and begins to munch happily on his morning snack of Fruit Loops – everything is fine again. It is still hard though, to walk away from a teary eyed face that means so much.
Recently a gal I know asked me if I ever get time to myself? She wanted to know if any working parent gets to take a day off just to do “me” stuff. I do take off my birthday and spend half of the day shopping solo in all the stores my guys don’t have any interest in. Other than that, the answer is pretty much no. She went on to take pity on me since (as a parent of a young child) I often have to use vacation time when Little Guy is sick.
It made me laugh a little bit, because this sweet lady had it all backward. It’s true that taking vacation days to take care of my son when he’s sick is not my favorite thing to do. But not in the way this friend implied. The thing I hate is that I ever have to leave him to begin with. If I had my way I’d be there with him every day. I wouldn’t need to use vacation days to care for him. I’d just be there. If things ever change and we are able, I’d love to stay home with Little Guy. For now, that is not an option, and I am okay with that. I’m okay with it because the reward of coming home to a hug from chubby little arms makes it all better. Sweet two-year-old kisses quickly erase any stress that might have accumulated.
Every moment (like those glorious ones over the weekend) make every little sacrifice worth making. Every smile he gives me… Every time he tells me he loves me… Every time I watch him sleeping peacefully in his little bed – I’m reminded of just how lucky (and very blessed) I am to have such a wonderful little family.
I just love being a Mommy, even on Monday mornings.
Oh Christy, you are learning the hard lessons of the bitter and the sweet. The sweet weekend of family home time...versus the (sometimes) bitter needs of existence. My mom worked outside the home for the entire time of my young childhood. By the time I reached middle school she was forced into medical retirement and almost full bed rest due to her Multiple Sclerosis. I feel for you all. I think you are doing a wonderful job of balancing things under the circumstances. Forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but if I can suggest that you continually let him know you do NOT want to leave but you have to right now. My mom never addressed this to me and for several of my young years (before I understood) I thought she just didn't want to be with me. If she would have just explained (over and over again, because it's my opinion that young children need repetition and CONSTANT reassurance that they are wanted and loved). I know I would have got it. even at age four and five. And some things that she did say didn't make sense to me until I was in my thirties (that's why I always say things over and over to my kids, even if they roll their eyes...it's going in the slow cooker of their subconscious to be pulled out like timeless treasures in later years of their life.). I've got to run now but I am putting you and your family in my prayers and best thoughts. Have a lovely Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Tracey
x0x
P.S. Perhaps you can make a long term plan to be able to save/downsize/work at home/or??? so you can stay home? I know it's MUCH easier said than done, but maybe research it, you never know! x0x