There Was a Little Girl...

Words matter.

We live in a world that is fueled by clever one-line Facebook status updates and 140 character tweets.  We send multiple text messages and emails every day.  We use words all the time, but it seems to me that we are sometimes forgetful of the impact that choosing those words can have on those around us. 

Maybe this isn’t an issue for you at all, but it’s something I struggle with on occasion.

I’d say that 99% of the time I am a nice person, and I generally try to be kind to everyone.  I am human though, and sometimes I fail (okay, more than sometimes).  I hurt someone recently with my words.  It wasn’t on purpose, but it happened.  It was one of those knee jerk moments when a ‘clever’ comment came flying into my head one millisecond before it went flying past my lips.  I immediately regretted this thing I said, and the pain it caused; but it was too late.  Once something like that is out there, it’s impossible to pull it back.

The whole scenario reminded of the following scene in the (fantastic) movie, “You’ve Got Mail”:

Joe Fox: [talking via email to "Shopgirl"] Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and moving on, you zing them? "Hello, it's Mr Nasty." I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about.

Kathleen Kelly: [talking via email to "NY152"] No, I know what you mean, and I'm completely jealous. What happens to me when I'm provoked is that I get tongue-tied and my mind goes blank. Then, then I spend all night tossing and turning trying to figure out what I should have said. What should I have said, for example, to a bottom dweller who recently belittled my existence?
[stops and thinks] Nothing. Even now, days later, I can't figure it out.

Joe Fox: [talking via email to "Shopgirl"] Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you? And then I would never behave badly and you could behave badly all the time, and we'd both be happy. But then, on the other hand, I must warn you that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.

Sadly, I can sometimes relate to the Joe Fox character in this scene.  I too, have had moments when I said things that displayed the worst possible version of myself.  Among my faults (and believe me, there are many), this is the one I consider most regrettable.  I have no excuse.  I wasn’t raised to be mean.  In fact, when I was a child my parents always taught me to be kind and respectful of others.  They encouraged my brother and I to follow the Golden Rule.  They lived by example, and to this day I am hard pressed to recall a single instance in which one of them ever said an unkind word to the other or to anyone else.  (I know that will sound hard to believe – but I’m not exaggerating.)

However, in spite of a very positive and loving upbringing; I found at a fairly young age that I had a talent for doling out well timed zingers.  Now to be fair, I also feel that I have a talent for kindness (which I’ve inherited from my sweet Mama, and which over the last decade I’ve tried to embrace more fully).  Sometimes though, one of those not so nice comments slips through a crack in the niceness.  In moments like that I feel like one of those Twilight Zone characters who seems perfectly human and nice and normal…. until viewers catch just a glimpse of the alien lurking within.

So the other day, when I hurt the feelings of this person who I truly consider to be a friend, I made a decision.  I apologized of course, but I also decided once and for all it was time to be rid of my inner alien.

This isn’t to say that I sit around all day insulting those around me.  I don’t.  In fact, I’d say that over the years I’ve most certainly mellowed in this department.  But every now and then, one of these zingers slips passed, and I am reminded of just how important words are.  The comments I sometimes made (the come-backs the jabs-the zingers-whatever you want to call them) almost always got a laugh, and I’ll admit I sometimes found a certain thrill in that.  The trouble with the clever come-back however, is that though there may be a moment of satisfaction, it is all too often followed by crushing regret.

This brings me to today, and my decision to make a change.  Not only do I want to slice these “Ms. Nasty” comments from my dialogue, but I also want to ensure that I’m setting a good example for my boys, and being a person my loved ones can be proud to call wife, daughter or friend.  My goal is to think before I speak.  This may sound simple to you, but I’m afraid it may prove quite the battle for me.  No matter.  It will be worth every effort made. 

So, assuming I do take a moment to think before I say something questionable, what exactly will I be ‘thinking’ about?  The new criteria I’m setting for myself is pretty straight forward.  From now on, when one of those ‘clever’ comments pops into my head, I’m going to attempt to use the following internal filters before opening my big mouth (or typing that status update or tweeting or whatever):

1. Does this comment add value to the conversation?
2. Will this comment encourage?
3. Is this comment something I would say if husband/children/parents etc could hear?

If the answer to any of the above questions is “No”, then even if it is terribly ‘clever’, it’s not worth saying.  I know that this will take some practice on my part, but it’s something I feel I need to address head on. 

Truthfully, I should have done it years ago.

It’s Never Too Late for [INSERT YOUR DREAM HERE]

There's this thing that I want to do... it's something I've wanted to do for as long as I can remember, but I always put it off.  If successful, this thing could parlay nicely into a career that I would adore.  Though I've had this dream for years and years (since childhood in all honesty), I tend to drag my feet when it comes to actually taking that first scary step.  Lately I've really been battling with myself - trying to decide how to get started and when? 

I watched the movie 'Julie and Julia' last week, and it inspired me to do something (in addition to just thinking about doing something- which I do a lot).  I was inspired not because I want to be a food blogger or cook French food (I don't); but because the movie reminded me that Julia Child started the career she's world renowned for - later in life.  This was a nice reminder for me, because sometimes I get bogged down in the "well, I've come this far and not done it - why bother?" mindset.  I need to shake that for good.

So, I was thinking about Julia when I remembered Laura Ingalls Wilder also was a 'late bloomer'... and that made me do a few Wikipedia searches to see what other inspirational stories I could find.  Now, I'm only 37, so I am not yet in their ballpark, but I still find this type of success story to be very motivating. 

Here are some examples of 'later life' success which I found via that on-line search:

• Julia Child didn’t begin to collaborate on her first cookbook until she was in her 40s, and hosted her first television show at 51.
• Laura Ingalls Wilder was 63 when she started writing what would later become the first in the “Little House” series.
• Henry Ford introduced the Model T automobile when he was 45 years old. At the age of 60, he created the first car assembly line.
• Tim Zagat of the restaurant guide fame, was 44 years old when he started the Zagat Restaurant Guide.
• Grandma Moses wouldn't create the paintings that would make her famous until she was 76 years old.
• Colonial Sanders was 65 when he started the first Kentucky Fried Chicken.
• Raymond Chandler was 51 when his first novel “The Big Sleep” was published.
• Ben Franklin was 46 years old when he experimented with electricity using his kite. At 47, he won the Copley Award (an early version of the Nobel Prize). Also while in his 40s, he invented bifocals, the catheter, and the Franklin Stove. He was elected to the Continental Congress at age 69. At 70 he signed the Declaration of Independence, making him the oldest signer. When he was 77 years old, he negotiated the Treaty of Paris, which put an end to the Revolutionary War. At 81, he signed the U.S. Constitution.
• Sir Alexander Fleming - a British doctor and scientist specializing in the study of bacteria, was 47 when he discovered penicillin.
• The average age of the men who have served as President of the United States is 54 years and 11 months. The youngest was Teddy Roosevelt, age 42, the oldest, Ronald Regan, who became President 16 days before his 70th birthday.

I found the above image - as well as a lot of goal setting ideas here.

I'm setting some goals today.  I'm starting with baby steps.  I know that attaining any goal means hard work and episodes of failure, but what do I have to lose?  I'll never forgive myself if I don't at least TRY. 

Wish me luck.  :)

Some motivational quotes (also found via an internet search) which I liked:

“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” –Walt Disney

“Don’t wait until everything is just right.  It will never be perfect.  There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions.  So what.  Get started now.  With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.” – Mark Victor Hansen

“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” - Thomas Alva Edison

“Perseverance is a great element of success. If you knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow